I honestly don’t get this either, but I suppose we’re past the point of trying to understand why at this point…

I never meant for this to go anywhere bad and I’m sorry if I gave someone the idea that by engaging in debate, I am silencing them. All I’ve ever tried to do is understand because hearing that there’s this untrustworthiness about white women or white feminists SCARES ME.

I’m seeing now I should just shut my mouth and quit questioning, because if I continue to do so, I further put myself into enemy camp and am accused of throwing tantrums.

I can honestly say I’ve never felt so misunderstood in the blogosphere before today. I’ll continue examining issues of racism and privilege at my blog and in my personal life. Maybe someday I’ll feel differently about Tiffany’s original statment, maybe I’ll see it differently. But maybe not. And that’s okay too.

Please believe my sincerity when I say that I’m truly sorry I am no longer welcome here. It wasn’t supposed to go this way.

“I still hope and pray that a feminist of color could see me as an ally or at the least not view me as an immediate enemy.”

Where on earth did that come from? I certainly hope that a good few women of colour see me as an ally, but it’s my job to walk the walk and earn that respect through my actions, not through passive-aggressive, entitled “but I’m one of the good ones!” tantrums. Where does a member of an oppressed minority group distrusting those who as a group have oppressed hir turn into always and forever viewing each and every individual member of that group as “an immediate enemy”?

That is my genuine concern. And it IS my truth. I don’t write off men or even conservatives even though I’ve had thousands of reasons too. I try and do the hard work of judging people on a case by case basis, and talking through something when they upset me. At some point you have to walk away from toxic individuals, but does that mean every person from that group is a lost cause?

I’m not trying to tell POC what they feel or how they should feel. I’m saying– THIS IS HOW I FEEL. But what I’m getting in response is ‘better just drop it’ — and I really think that’s counterproductive. I’m not trying to be a thorn in this comment thread but I still think I have a valid point. I keep hearing that we need more dialogue between white feminists and women of color so that we understand each other better. Well I’m trying to understand.

*sigh*

Look– I acknowledge that I’m far from perfect. I AM being defensive here. I have a lot (LOT) to learn and I know I’ve put my foot in my mouth– but I don’t want people writing me off based on my skin color. I don’t think anyone wants that.

I’m not disputing white privilege, that racism exists, that I couldn’t possibly understand the unique challenges women of color face… but I’d like to try, I’m not saying it’s anyone’s job to teach me. I’m just saying if someone calls me out, I’ll listen to the criticism and try and benefit.

Everyone keeps trying to explain to me WHY it’s okay that Tiffany said what she said or why it shouldn’t bother me or why it’s true, but I just can’t understand. Some have even said, “It’s not necessarily all white people,” but her exact words were “ya’ll” as in YOU ALL. As in white people = untrustworthy. I just can’t ever be okay with that.

Belledame, you are right when you say I can’t control what other people think or do. But I’m just voicing my opinion on all of this. And I think I have that right just as much as anyone else.

Honestly, I feel like we’re arguing a tiny point here. As far as the Marcotte/book/BFP situation, I’m in agreement. It’s just that one ‘can’t-be-trusted’ statement and (continued support of said statement) that’s bothering me.

Well this is my truth—I think it’s too ‘easy’ to write off all people because many of them have hurt you.

That’s not “your truth” - that’s your interpretation of someone else’s feelings and motivations.

All that doesn’t mean I don’t benefit from white privilege or that I’m perfect and I understand racism. I’m sure I don’t….

You say that, but you really obviously don’t get it.

I would suggest you stop telling people of colour what they should do.