Voices, Pt 2
Apr 26th, 2008 by Rebecca
Sometimes, you have experiences which virtually hit you over your head with your own privilege.
I misgendered another trans woman at work yesterday, and I came within a couple of seconds of putting her in a very embarrassing position because of my own assumptions.
To explain what happened without actually explaining what my job is, a large part of my day job involves taking calls from people. A person rings up with a deep and masculine voice and a female name. I happen to read this as “my god, this guy has an unfortunate name”. I put said person’s details into the system, and just before I was about to put them through, double-check everything, as I’m supposed to - at which point she corrects me about her gender. And at that point, the penny dropped, and I realised to my horror that I’d misgendered another trans woman.
Had she not had the chance to correct my screwup before I put her details through, it’s pretty safe to say that I’d have put her in a very awkward situation. I have no idea how I didn’t twig earlier, and I’m embarrassed to say the least. This woman didn’t know that the person screwing up on the other end of the line was also trans, but if she can’t even expect another transperson to not make assumptions about her voice, what must she from people who are actually ignorant or even hostile towards transfolk?
I’ve posted before about how lucky I’ve been with my voice. I’ve been lucky enough to have a voice that will never result in me being misgendered. I will never be harassed, lose or job, or be placed in an damned awkward situation such as nearly happened yesterday because of my voice. Hell, I work in a job that requires me to spend much of the day on the phone, and I’ve never had an issue. In my life, it’s easy to fall into the assumption that I’m the only trans woman in the village, and to forget how for so many of my sisters it will never be that easy. And then sometimes, like yesterday, I’ll have an experience which hits me over the head with just much privilege I really do have in that regard.
Everything we are empowered by as an accident of birth might surface as a privelege. We don’t think about any of those things as privileges unless they are challenged and confronted by experiences which highlight how they provide advantages we can manipulate to separate us from another person’s experience.
If I allow my own humanity to encompass an appreciation of more scope for variation in others, my own variation becomes less singular or unique. It loses some of that potential power as priviledge. Then how I react when confronted can inform me about my own consciousness in a more useful manner.
I can’t give up or give away birth attributes. I can see them for what they are, as specific accidental variations that not everyone can or will possess. They do not represent my own accomplishment, nor do they signify any measure of worth. Not of myself, not of another’s unchosen variations of birth.
I’m never comfortable asking what another person’s gender identity is. I would prefer it never be a necessity, but some circumstances can necessitate this information. Like tailoring resources to specific needs.
I think for myself, its often worse to make assumptions based on my own limitations of knowledge and experience of variation itself. Worse to rely on my ability to decode how those variations occur, free of expectations for certain cues. I would rather risk the offense of intrusion through the admission of my own ignorance than to make an assumption of my own knowledge if I’m in doubt.
Rather being the pivotal word. Because I will continue to make mistakes I’d rather not make, regardless of intention. I can only hope to learn, and try again. Sometimes a bit of discomfort or embarrassment is a useful reminder for me that I still have much to sort out in myself. Opening my own eyes first, is essential to watching where I’m going.
You made an error of assumption about auditory cues, that came to your attention. You won’t make that assumption as automatically the next time.